grey

I refused you, I
spat you out of my
lungs with venom, but
still I wait for a
word, a letter, a call;
still I watch for
your ghost
And like a child I
come crawling to this crib
alone and the world is new
learning what hands grasp
what palms can hold

I burned you like an
old album's photo
grey with dust and fondness
I ask if you were ever
real or just
an image of pretend presence
I ask if I am
still lonely, if I am
still lost. I feel the
ripples of my heart
quake with murky beats, I
pull on these veins that
flow like a stagnant sea

Breathing without a compass
dizzy from the fall
we are always at
a crossroads, crashing
cars in this
crater-covered trauma
don't forget that
constant-healing bears
constant scars

And with constant shaking, hands
melting, reaching, searching
I don't like how it feels
to start new
I don't like this
puzzle of
me
and
you