supernova

Heal
means watch the tide enclose the
shores, surrounded by a ghost, means
wade the water deep and sow
the soul, watch it sink then
bathe the glow
Heal
means wear the sun as wedding veils and
kiss the fabric scent, means
swing the branches, dive the mountain
allow the brine to sleep still upon your flesh

Stare the sky so hard you bruise the
blue expanse, make a fist so tight you
snap the nervous bone

Supernova of the heart
collapse, explode.
A scattered million
still lightning
frozen as a bulb yet
flicker the stammering stars

Push it down deep
until it explodes the gut
And I, the lonely physician
have done many a surgery
on my own insides
collected the shrapnel from
inner cavities, soothed the
splayed flesh sliced like a
fish waiting to be burned then
consumed, devoured by
beasts bitter and violent,
restless against the
timid sounds of infants

And I, the weak child
am dissected, laid as a
sacrifice on Abram's altar
tied with ropes and yelling
yet silent in the cause

must i be filled with holes
that drip, drip, drip
toxic sap, like
rancid honey-- some
parts sweet, some
parts deadly

¡$ © å r1ø†

judas, judas
jagged at the teeth

goddamn the sharp touch, feels like
razors at the skin, skate through
flesh until they split the
filthy fissure
wet with vile blood

judas, judas
jaded in the heart

i withered where you walked
vertigo of mind against the
weary-weighed sitting--idle legs
snapped at the knee

judas, judas
jaundice of the skin

queasy even as i closed my eyes
vinegar body trembling a fever
devastate the whites of eyes
rolling as a river with
splintered vision

i am the plague
i am a bad day
i am rain and bitter news
i am the scorching sun and
unwelcome winter
i am 4am insomnia
the sensation of choking
cat scratch fever and
vomiting
i am worrisome behavior
a gunshot
smoke alarm trigger
i am noisy patron
intruder at the door
tongue-tied with
bones crumpled and crushed in the throat
i am a stutter
slip on the gravel
abrasion of the knee just
deep enough to wince when the water hits
i am unwanted pregnancy
screaming child with a tantrum
104˚ fever
glass shattered on the floor
i am a broken a/c
half-working headphone
tall man's hat in the front seat at the theater
i am god i am death
i am foreboding presence and
irritation, disgust

i am nobody's home and
alone.

crucifix

I am wrung on bitter wood
Outstretched to die like a coward
Velvet with the liquids of the body
I am rotten with the wound

String the cuts like cable
Holding your arms for their shame
Naked as the nail, it
grows alongside the bone
in the marrow even as a child

Lonely spread as cancer
As tobacco as smoke as poison
smeared as venom jam
Slow-spreading slow death
As if I am dying in slow motion
Decaying as soon as I exited the womb
As if I slid from between my mother's legs
straight into a casket

I am a grave
My body a black hole

lazarus still sleeps
in a bed made of unwashed sheets
in a car parked alone in silent structures
with dirty blankets and late night tv
with earphones and lonely computer screens

lazarus still sleeps
in a tomb while
home evades me

jesus wept ii

judas
kissed the pious cheek
with fingers crossed behind the back
sold the silver at the temple then
fled to feel the
friction at the neck

in this we share our guilt
in this we share our death

sip the wine from holy lips and
depart.

false religion

inside feels like the
drippings of hot candle wax
the kind that kisses the
cold of neglected altar tops

inside feels like angry fire
the burning fervor of
pentacostal light that
singes the flesh of unfaithful hearts

i say a prayer to
crucify the adolescent ache
lord, christen this sinner-saint
i pay penance for
sins not mine
while i was yet unborn

swollen body battered in
the sanctuary
this is the
impossible baptism
where water can't
cleanse the inside stains

i am hell


god,
mother,

why have you forsaken me?

my mother's love is real
it is as real as her hatred
and as i grow there is
one thing i know is true

i will always cause her pain

profound lonely
break the light of
little girls

she strums the threads
hears the sound of red
nicks the fingers

an era discolored by a bruise
contusion of the palms
from knuckle-less knocking


can't see
so keep the moon glowing

jesus wept

god is not great or
majestic or kind
it's sunday and i'm
starved at the pews

preacher preaching
snatch'd the souls by their
limp necks, found them
discarded and
drunk at a roadside--he
stitched them with strings to
hang off god's fingertips like
they had jumped off a cliff

suicide at 6am
rubbed the rosary against
the thin of shameful skin
slit the chapter and verse
on unholy wrists

jesus wept
asked judas to
collect the tears

5-21::9-1

do you smell the
scorching of the gash
cigarette stain shaped the cuts
--leaves jagged burns
along the edges of your mouth
holes
just large enough for
your soul to leak and
escape the capsule of your
blanket skin


you are empty again

are you crying?

stop


cauterize + clean
cavity and crater of
a 12 year old pain

all beauty breaks your heart

in like lavender

chin up, child
don't hold your breath
you are allowed to
seize the air
you are allowed to
carve a place in
the wind

do not hush your heart
let it shout, sing
let it bellow glories
let it weep your grief

create yourself
from the void
speak your existence
until you emerge
from the nothing of
a heavy darkness
until the light lifts
from the tired of
shattered men and
hoarse mothers

collect the bones
from the grave of
your youth
artifacts left behind
as dust to settle

gather the wayward voices
wailing at the funeral
of your suicide
tell them
you are alive

resurrect just to
break at the teeth
again
just to
wither at the wrists
again

shout your salvation to heal, only
to bruise and cripple

is it my fault i doubt?

sadness
burned through the
forest of my dreams
it left me
dry and devastated
homeless in the
ashes of bones and branches

sadness
snapped the spine that
left the altar
bruised
a wound that
bled of stones and
splinters

sadness
scarred the insides of
a lonely room
scraped the flesh off
young arms
sleeps with
blades beneath the blanket

sadness
is a whirlpool of
stomach aches
like a gunshot to
the gut
where the acid of
sickness and thoughts
goes to ruminate and destruct

home crashing in the waves
made of ramshackle wood
--splinter not shatter

words are the prophet
speak your soul to the wind
watch it flutter, form
to the canvas concave
injured and hollow of song

but i can write to fill
a constellation
lyric from star to star
breath lights the scattered scars
burn a hole through the night
until darkness unravels
like a thread

Wound it
baptize and bear the
battered straits of
your normalcy
sign a cross and
memorize the lines
of your veins
lions stir in
crypts above
the sleeping stones
wake your galaxy
spirit-jumping
careful not to
rouse the bones