i don't have a death wish, but
sometimes i drive too close to
the edge of the road

i don't have a death wish, but
sometimes i let go of the wheel,
set my course towards the cliff

i don't have a death wish, but
sometimes i peer a little too long
over hand rails

i don't have a death wish, but
sometimes i feel the height of
a building, imagine the fall

i don't have a death wish, but
sometimes i wonder what it's like to
inhale carbon monoxide

i envy victims and car crashes
i crave bloody lips and smashed metal bits
i want to feel pieces of glass
splinter against my skin
i want concrete sidewalks to
meet me sideways and broken
i want the merciless punches of
muggers and thieves

heart attack and headache
fractured skull and black eye
--sometimes i wish that was me.

maybe i do have a death wish
but then
still i am alive



maybe i don't really want to die